IVF after Gastric Bypass Surgery

Tears and Sunshine

2010-11-11T18:36:00.000-08:00

I wonder how long it takes until you can talk about your child's illness without crying? I realized this week that there isn't a day that goes by where I don't shed a tear. It's like "break through" pain that escaped my vault. The vault of where I store my heartache for all that's happened this past year and the uncertainty of the future. As hard as I try, I can't stop images of Julian in a coma, completely swollen, looking like a different person laying there from creeping into my mind. Most of the time I'm spaced out from all of the holding back of the emotional dam.

Last week, myself as well as the rest of my kids had to go get tested for this mutated gene and for the function of the cells related to this gene (NK cells). I learned that there is a 50% chance that I passed it on and we already know that I have to have one copy of the gene for Julian to have gotten it. Most of the research articles published about the gene mutation that I have are people whom died of HLH and had one copy of the gene. Julian has two copies which places him at a higher risk. I suppose each day I will take a baby step closer to learning how to live with the "uncertainty" of life.

I have a goal to organize a bone marrow drive and have found out that there needs to be a fundraiser done first. This is to help cover the costs of having people tested and placed on the bone marrow registry. The cost is approximately $100 per person. The fundraising is what I'm having difficulty with. My ideas keep hitting a brick wall and I don't have the strength right now aggressively persue it. I'm still working away at it.

In the meantime I have I am finding great comfort in my beatiful 10 month baby and in seeing Julian thrive as a football quarterback and maintaining straight A's. He is amazing and doing so well. His recovery really is a miracle. God is so powerful!

Blood Test Comes Back

2010-10-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

Blood test confirmed that the FET was not a success. I'm glad that I already knew the results. I think it would be tough to build hope and let your mind play tricks on you just so that it crushes you at the end. I felt prepared. Although, POAS can play tricks on one's mind too.

No more IVF cycles for our family. I've hit that place where I have to accept that I have a beautiful baby boy and I'm blessed for that.

I am still struggling to cope with Julian's prognosis. He's strong and healthy and feels great but to know that he is high risk for relapsing is a bitter pill to swallow. I wonder if I will ever be able to think of how sick he got without crying. I can't even look a the cards or photos that he received while he was in the hospital without falling apart. I hope that this doesn't last forever. I hope that I have Julian around for my "forever".

Negatives Negatives

2010-09-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

I am 8dp5dt from FET and still had a BFN this morning and evening. I feel my heart getting heavier and heavier in my chest. The reality of this being my last shot is sinking in and the reality of it most likely being a failed cycle.

Today was a rough day with Julian. He forgot he had football practice and didn't show up yesterday. I had a long conversation with two of his coaches that are not happy with him. Julian is the quarterback of his team and has not been throwing as well, running as fast, or been as fearless as he was (which was never that fearless anyway) since he was sick. I realize that most of the coaches don't understand that Julian lives with the knowledge that he may get sick again and there is a level of uncertainty about his future. That's quite a load for a 12 year old to carry. Let's not forget the waking up from a coma, not being able to walk or feed yourself and realizing that you missed a month of your life. This was only a few months ago. It's amazing that he is playing at all.

So, part of me gets angry that he just isn't trying that hard and he isn't focused and the other part of me feels angry with the coaches for not understanding. Then there's the part of me that feels bad for the coaches because they want to play Julian but he isn't making it easy.

Julian was a star quarterback that is a talented player, as I am told. So, their expectations are high. Maybe it was too soon for him. Maybe it was too soon for this FET. Why does everything feel like such a conflict for me. The only time that I don't feel conflicted is when I have the baby in my arms. Then, I just feel happy and thankful. I wonder if I will ever be able to look at Julian and not have this intense fear of "what if he gets sick again?" in my chest. Will I ever look at him and not feel the pain of almost losing him?

I am not sure that I can handle a negative beta. It's lost cord blood, last chance, lost embryo/baby. My beta is next Wednesday and my mind will be going nuts until then.

Julian's website

2010-09-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

You can look at Julian's website for more information:
www.carepages.com
search for the profile "4juliankinard"

So Many Changes

2010-09-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have written. I am happy to say that I had a beautiful little baby boy on December 30th. He was born at 35 weeks gestation and is happy and healthy and has brought me so much joy.

I was a crazy time. I had just been diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension and placed on bedrest the week before Christmas. During that same week, my 12 year old developed a fever. This also happen to be the "swineflu" season and it was everywhere. I assumed that he had the flu. However, as the days past he developed no other symptoms aside from fatigue and no appetite. He never had a sore throat, vomiting, diarrhea or anything else. After almost a week, he suddently became very yellow (jaundiced) and therefore we immediately took him to the hospital. We discovered that he was in liver failuer and were transferred to Children's Hospital in DC.

Needless to say that the stress and lack of bed rest was not helping my pregnancy but there was nothing in the world that was going to keep me from being near my 12 year old. Several doctors saw him and could only say that they suspected some type of virus caused him to have hepatitis. He tested negative for everything (EBV, CMV, HIV, Hep B and C, Strep, Flu).

After a few hours of being there, I thought that my water had broken. I was moving stuff around in his room when I felt that gush. I was shocked to find that it was blood and not clear fluid. Fortunately my cousins had just arrived to see Julian (my son) and therefore my husband was able to rush me to the hospital. I was evalated and diagnosed with a cervial polyp or tear and discharged. When I returned to my son's hospital, he was on life support. It was devastating. There were still no answers and he was on the maximum doses for medications to support his blood pressures, he heart rhythms were abnormal, his fevers about 105, his platelet counts (which is the component of the blood that allows the body to clot and not bleed out) was down to 3 when normal is 150-400. He was bleeding in to his eyes, lungs, brain. He was unresponsive. I felt like my life was falling apart and couldn't imagine how I was going to deliver a baby or be a mother to a newborn when my 12 year old desperately needed me and worst yet, what if he didn't make it.

My son's nurses felt very concerned and strongly encouraged me to be seen by my OB (whom was not the person that evaluated me at the hospital). I agreed and went the next morning and was told that the baby would be delivered right away because my doctor felt that I had a slow tear in my placenta and my blood pressure was out of control. I literally fell to the floor crying because I didn't want to stay away from Julian for that long but had no choice.

My doctor was awesome, he spent most of my labor pacing around in my room. He did everything that he could to ensure that I would have a vaginal delivery knowing that I would be leaving the hospital as soon as I possibly could and he was right. Carson was born shortly after 7p and was taken to the NICU for some help with his breathing. After a few hours I left and returned to Julian's side. Carson was in a Maryland hospital and Julian was in DC.

Carson came home in about a week and Julian was seen by a new doctor the CNMC that had come from Cincinnati Children's Hospital. He recognized the rare illness that was attacking Julian's body and began treatment. He was diagnosed with Hemophagocytic Lymphohistiocytosis (HLH). Julian had received several blood transfusions, had swelling in his brain but was continuing the fight for his life. He finally began to turn the corner in the first few days of January. New Year's Eve was his worst night where we thought that we would lose him.

After several weeks in the hospital and going through rehab to learn to walk again and gain his strength, he finally came home. He is now back to being the quarterback of his football team and thriving. We are so blessed!!!! I learned the value of life in a way that most never will.

Unfortunately the only cure to HLH is a bone marrow transplant which at this point would only be done if Julian were to relapse. He is in remission with a risk of relapse. However, the doctors have told us that no one can say if and when he will ever get sick again and it is this reason that we won't do a BMT unless he relapses. That brought us to deciding to use the 2 frozen embryos we have. We want to store the cord blood which was not saved with Carson.

We had the embryos thawed last week, one surivived and was trasnferred on Septermber 22. I am not sure what to feel about everything. I am still not recovered from all that happened. Today is 5dp5dt and I had a negative. I know that it's early and I hear that with FET's, you get an even later results. So, pray for God's will and that I can handle whatever that might be.

BFP!!!

2009-05-25T12:45:00.000-07:00

I had my beta done this morning and my RE herself called me back. Normally, a nurse calls you back with lab results. I was wonderful to hear her say "you are pregnant". My beta was 267 at 12dp5dt. I am flying to Seattle tomorrow for work and will have to figure out where I can have my repeats HCG (beta) levels out there this week. My sonogram will be next Tuesday.

Correction on HPT

2009-05-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

I wrote earlier that I first tested on 5dp5dt....I actually did but received a negative that day. I tested every morning since. The first faint positive that got was 6dp5dt.

Still feeling good but tired. I can't wait for my beta.

Forgot something....

2009-05-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

They put two blasts in on 5/13/09 and I actually had two blasts that made it freezing. I am a happy that I have a back up for another try if this doesn't work out (which hurts to even mention that) but on the flip side....I feel guilty wondering what am I going to do with them if this pregnancy is successful. I don't believe in destroying them, and I don't want to pay money out for the rest of my life on keeping them frozen and I don't think that I could handle giving them away.

HPT results

2009-05-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

I took my first hpt 5dp5dt and got a very faint positive. I have continued to take one hpt every morning and the positive line has continued to get darker. So, it appears that I might actually be pregnant! I am cautiosly optomistic and too afraid to be happy. After two failed cycles and one ruptured ectopic....I need to see the heart beat before I start to let myself relax. My beta is scheduled for Monday (Memorial Day).

Fertilization Report

2009-05-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

Out of my 9 eggs retrieved...8 were mature and 7 fertilized using ICSI. They were all at two cells today. I hope that they are thriving and I can't wait to here tomorrow how they are doing and when they go back in.

I am concerned about my lining. It went from 8.2 to 6.8 at the end of stimulation. I am not doing progesteron shots this time. They have me on estrace pills and I start the endometrium suppositories the day after retrieval. My RE's office told me not to worry because my estrogen level was at 2600 and the estrace would help my lining be ready for the transfer. Trust is difficult in this process! Specially for a control freak like me!

If I do a 3 day transfer, three embryos go back in. If it makes it to a 5 day, 2 will go back in.

The eggs are out!

2009-05-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

Well the cycle has progressed with ups and down. It started out with such slow growing of the follicles and a huge 42mm cyst that it was almost cancelled. Then the cyst decreased to half of its size (thanks to a lot of praying) and the follicles started to grow a little better.

I haven't been a huge egg producer so the 7 that they were looking at was expected...although still disapointing to me. Today the eggs came out and they actually got 9. I was pleasantly surprised. My husband said a prayer before I went in for the retrieval so I have to give the credit to God again. I won't find out until tomorrow how many were mature and how many turned out fertilizing. I am hoping for 5 to 6. More prayers!

IVF #3

2009-04-28T17:29:00.000-07:00

We are starting off to a tricky start. Today was my first monitoring day which is stimulation day 4 for me. My estrogen level was 468 and I have a cyst that measures 42 mm on the left ovary. There were 10 eggs visible but it is still early.

I was hoping for more eggs being that I am on the lupron flare protocol (micrdose lupron protocol) and I am concerned that the cyst will interfere with the progress of my cycle. My medication doses were lowered from 150 menapur to 75 and the Gonal F will remain at 300, no change with the twice a day 20 units of lupron. I return tomorrow for more bloodwork and another sonogram.

IVF #3

2009-03-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

Well, I am back after a long break. I had an HSG done and learned that my remaining tube after my ectopic was blocked. My insurance finally approved IVF, so here we go again. Today is CD1 and I start BCP Wednesday. They are estimating my egg retrieval to be on 5/6. We are really hoping this one will work.

I had to start synthroid and repliva because my thyroid levels were off and the anemia creeped back. We wanted to make sure that all of my lab levels are normal for this time. Gastric bypass has made that challenging at times.

Update

2008-07-30T19:24:00.000-07:00

I have pretty much healed completely. I am hoping that I can still have a successful pregnancy with the one tube that I have left. I am supposed to schedule an HSG at the beginning of my next period. If the one tube that I have left is blocked....then my doctor said that we can submit a request for my insurance to cover the cost of IVF. This of coarse is...after having a current loan for almost $25,000 for all of the infertility stuff we have already done. It think that the loss feels so much more heavier when you are empty handed and in debt!

I am not sure if I prefer for my tube to be open and get stuck with having to try naturally with such a small chance that I will conceive or if I am hoping that it is blocked in the hope that maybe our insurance will actually pay for IVF. I hate how having a baby for me really just boils down to money.

I suppose all that I can do is pray....it really is out of my hands.

Ruptured Ectopic

2008-06-23T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I never made it to my doctor appointment today. I ruptured my ectopic pregnancy while working in the ER this weekend. I was in the middle of assisting a doctor with popping a dislocated shoulder back into into place. All of the sudden I got completely soaked in sweat and felt like I was a second away from passing out. I began having pressure and a dull ache through out my pelvic area. I also felt pressure over my bowels. I stepped away to compose myself. I sat down, began fanning myself. After a few minutes it got a little better but the pressure in my pelvis was building. So, I talked with one of the doctors and he asked me check in right away. I gave my patients to another nurse and checked in.

My repeat HCG level showed a drop from 1700 to 1400. The repeat sonogram showed no sac in the uterus and a mass was visible on one of the tubes. The bloodwork also showed a drop in my H and H (which means that I was losing blood)...so, within an hour I was off to the OR. They removed my left tube....which had infact ruptured. There was blood in my belly.

They had been suspecting that my ectopic was on my right side but it turned out to be on the left. I was glad for that. My shorter tube with some scar tissue was the left tube. My right tube is my longer one with no known scarring.

The doctor that did the surgery recommended not TTC for 3 months and having an HSG to check and see if my remainding tube is patent before TTC again.

Physically I am sore. I was discharged this evening. Emotionally I am not as good. I am really feeling the loss of my baby. I also feel anger that I can't just get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I feel scared that I will never have one and that this might happen again.

It makes me really sad to think that I was pregnant yesterday and now I am not...just like that...it's over.

Ruptured Ectopic

2008-06-23T17:54:00.001-07:00

Well, I never made it to my appointment today. I ectopic pregnancy ruptured while I was working in the ER. I was in the middle of assisting with popping a dislocated shoulder back into place when I suddenly got soaked with sweat and felt like I was going to pass out. I kept hoping the shoulder would pop back in because I didn't think I would be able to stand up for much longer. I left the room, went to sit down, began fanning myself and started to feel pressure in my entire pelvic area. I also felt a lot of pressure over my bowels. After a few minutes it passed but I began having a dull ache with increasing pressure in my pelvic region.

I talked to a doctor in the ER and he asked me to check in right away. I gave my patients to another nurse and checked in. They did repeat HCG levels that showed my level dropped from 1700 to 1400 and the repeat sonogram showed no sac in the uterus but a visible mass on my tube. So, within an hour I was in the OR. My left tube was removed and I had infact ruptured the tube with my ectopic pregnancy.

My left tube is my shorter tube that measured 3.5 cm and had some mild scar tissue. My right tube is 4 cm and had no visible scar tissue...this is after my tubal ligation reversal. So, I am glad that my better tube is still intact. The doctor that did the surgery recommended not TTC for 3 months and having an HSG prior to TTC again.

I was discharged from the hospital this evening. I am pretty sore...the surgery was done laporscopically (that might be spelled wrong). Emotionally I feel pretty down. I am really feeling the loss of my baby. The nurse assigned to me was pregnant and looked like she was due to deliver any day now. That upset me. I kept seeing commercials for the Clear Blue digital pregnancy tests! It's heart breaking to be pregnant one moment and then not be pregnant the next.....just like that. At time I feel angry that others can have healthy pregnancies and I can't...then I feel overwhelmed with sadness that I lost my baby and fear hits me that I won't get pregnant again. I am terrified of going through this again. This was horrible!

Ectopic???

2008-06-20T11:11:00.001-07:00

My doctor called today with the lab results from the visit that I had in his office yesterday. My HCG level went from 504 to 1700. I wanted to be happy...However, it means that when he did a sonogram in his office yesterday and saw no sac....there should have been a sac. He wanted me to come in to his office today and do the methotrexate shot to terminate this pregnancy which is being diagnosed as ectopic.

I really couldn't bring myself to do that. I agreed to come to the office on Monday morning for one last sonogram. If there is no sac in the uterus at that time....I will do the shot. That will be the hardest thing that I have ever done.

I have read so much information and there is some out there that says...sometimes you can't see a sac until your HCG is at 2000. I am going to hope and pray that is the case this time. By Monday my HCG level should be at about 3500. My doctor feels concerned that I will rupture my tube this weekend. I had to remind him that I am an ER nurse and I will actually be working in the ER Sunday....if anything goes wrong, I know what to be aware of and I will be treated right away. He has already discussed my case with the on call doctor for this weekend...she has my name and number.

So, tonight I will go out to the dinner cruise that my husband and I booked when we found out that I was pregnant and I will feel blessed that I am pregnant for the moment.

Doulbing Numbers!

2008-06-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

My doctor called today with his update...my HCG level from yesterday's blood draw came back at 504! I am nervously excited!!!! My progesterone was 12...low but within normal. My doctor will see me again on Thursday for a repeat sonogram and blood work. He mentioned that if it turns out to be ectopic, he doesn't want to do the metho shot...he would rather just take the tube. He feels that if I have an ectopic, it means that the tubal reversal didn't work on that side. I sent a message to the doctor that did my surgery for another opinion. I am really nervous about everything but I am still praying!

ER Visit

2008-06-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

By the time I got to the ER there was no sign of bleeding at all. I still had some mild cramping. The sonogram showed a tiny sac in my uterus that still couldn't be measured because I am just under 5 weeks. The possibility that it is a pseudo sac still exists. A pseudo sac is a collection of blood that appears to be a sac. My HCG last night in the ER was 241. I was shocked to hear that is ALMOST doubled in the last two days. I felt my heart skip a beat with excitement. However, my head quickly began doing calculations:
1st HCG - Monday June 9 was 95, the following day was 130, two days after that on Thursday June 12th is was only 139. That was when it appeared to be headed to a miscarriage. Then last night in the ER is was 241. Ideally...they should be at about 600 right now...and that would be on the low side. I felt my heart sink again after those facts went through my head.

We see my doctor tomorrow for another HCG and sonogram. I so very much want to have hope but I want to be realistic.

Bleeding

2008-06-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

I finally started very light spotting. I feel so much relief. I have very light cramping. I really just want this to be over so that we can focus on trying again and not the loss. My OB recommended that I go to the ER just for HCG numbers. He said it was too early to know if it was ectopic.

No rise in HCG

2008-06-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well...I received a call from my OB this moring. My HCG is 139 which is pretty much the same it was 3 days ago. This means that I will either miscarry or that it is ectopic. I am having no symptoms but it really sucks to just sit here and wonder how the end will be.

I wish that I would have taken my husband's advice and not shared it with the family this past weekend. It was just hard to hold news that I was so excited about in. I really wanted to share my joy.....however, I really don't want to share my pain now.

I guess the good thing is that I know the tubal reversal was successful because I can infact get pregnant. I just wish that the risks for ectopic and miscarriages weren't so hi.

First HCG level

2008-06-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

My first HCG level done yesterday was 95. I am only 4 weeks, so that is within the normal range. I can't help but want it to be higher. It's supposed to double every two days. However, I am unable to have another one done tomorrow. I am scheduled to have on done again Thursday instead. BUT....being a nurse can sometimes have its benefits (and downfalls). I had one done today at work and my level came back as 130. So, it is working it's way to being double!

Definite BFP

2008-06-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

I went out and bought more pregnancy tests! I took a digital Clear Blue HPT this afternoon and the result read "pregnant". So, I definitely am. These next two weeks will be tough emotionally. I won't know that I am in the clear for a ectopic pregnancy until I have a sonogram showing a pregnancy in the uterus. It can't be done until HCG levels reach 1500. I am scared, nervous and happy.

Maybe a BFP???

2008-06-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to post an update. I took a HPT last night and again this morning and got a very faint positive both times. My AF is actually not due until tomorrow. I'm not too excited just yet because of the high risk that it could be ectopic or a miscarriage due to the tubal reversal surgery that I had. Also, today when I was peeing (sorry about the TMI), it ended with a tiny drop of blood. It wasn't dark like implantation bleeding (which I have never had anyway). I kept wiping and wiping after that....being paranoid....but it was clean. Hmmmm.

Waiting Again

2008-05-06T18:57:00.001-07:00

My DH and I have been TTC since my TR in January. My AF is due next week and again, I am hoping that it won't come. I am wondering if I have done the right thing. I belong to a blog for the doctor's ofc that did my TR.....and I am noticing a significant number of women that are having ectopic pregnancies or miscarriages. They seem to out weigh the normal pregnancies.

However, I do like being able to try every month without paying several thousands of dollars.

Waiting to TEST

2008-03-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

I got a positive on my ovulation test around cycle day 12 and TTC. I am 7 dpo and waiting to test. My AF is due on 3-19. I am hoping that we conceived but not hopeful that we did...if that makes sense.

However, I am completely healed from my tubal reversal and feeling great.

Ready To Try

2008-02-21T18:57:00.001-08:00

My AF showed up today. So, it is CD1 for me. I am going to use an ovulation kit this month and give it a try. I am kind of afraid....I haven't gotten over how painful it was to see a big fat negative on the tons of pregnancy tests that I took while going through IVF. Each and everyone broke my heart.

I told myself that I wouldn't take any until the day that my period is due. After two rounds with IVF...I am not feeling so positive about getting pregnant.

Recovering from Tubal Reveral

2008-02-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

I returned from Chapel Hill, NC two days ago. I had my tubal ligation reversal on Jan. 31st as scheduled. It wasn't too bad immediately afterwards. Dr. B totally numbed my abd so I felt groggy and that was about it. I took vicodin for 2 days and had to get off that stuff because it was making me feel really sick! I felt dizzy and that nauseated me. So, these last 2 days that I have been off the narcs...I haven't felt nauseated but I have felt sore when I move around and I occasionally get chills and weakness. I have been pretty careful at monitoring my temperature which has remained normal.

I had concern before the surgery as to how my incision would heal because of excess skin from my gastric bypass. That has indeed turned out to be an issue. My incision is right at the bottom of my belly (bikini line)....which is right where I have excess skin (sorry about the TMI). It has been a chore to take care of that!

On another note...it feels so strange to be able to get pregnant! I haven't worried about that in 10 years! According to my cycle days, I ovulate this weekend. I hope that I am feeling better!

Tubal Reversal Scheduled

2008-01-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

My tubal reversal is scheduled for January 31st in Chapel Hill, NC. I was able to get the time off work. I am really nervous about this. I just had major surgery less than two years ago with the gastric bypass and don't really look forward to my belly being cut again. I still also would like a tummy tuck in the future and that would be another time that my belly gets cut!

I am also terrified of an ectopic pregnancy. I hope that all goes well. I am due back at work less than a week after my surgery!

The Beginning Journey of Tubal Reversal

2008-01-02T15:27:00.000-08:00

I guess that I should re-name this blog to infertility since I am no longer on the IVF path. I called the insurance company today to verify my benifits for a tubal reversal. I was told that they would cover 100% with an "in-network" provider and 80% with an "out of network" provider. I was also told that I do not need pre-authorization. Of coarse, I requested that they send me this in writing.

I am still waiting to hear back from Shady Grover Fertility regarding who does the tubal reversals through their clinic. They did my IVF and have all of my records. I was told that their process is....the doctor that did my IVF will review all of my information and contact the doctor in the practice that does tubal reverals and review all of my history with them. Then, they will contact me with his information so that I can set up a consultation. My doctor has been out of town for the holidays. She was due back today.

I would really like to just find out if their doctor does the "microsurgery" type of tubal reversals and how many a week does he do, how many has he done. I only want to have this done by a surgeon that is completely specialized in this, has done over 5,000 of them and does it via microsurgery.

There is a place in North Carolina that meets all of these requirements (of mine :-) ). However, they would be out of network...so, I would be responsible for 20% and I would have to pay it up front and then get reimbursed by my insurance company.

I sent the doctor in North Carolina the information from my pathology report of the tubal ligation. It states how much of my tube was removed and by which method. He is supposed to review this with my history and let me know if it is even worth doing. However, I can't imagine too many doctors saying "no" to money. Sad but true.

Conclusion to IVF cycle #2

2007-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

I received my beta results yesterday....and they were in fact a negative. I fully expected that. I began to POAS early on with all negative results. I still don't regret doing that because it allowed me to grieve prior to getting that phone call with the negative beta results. Even so....it was pretty painful. I had to leave work because I just couldn't stop crying.

I really felt that if anyone touched me...I would totally lose control with the crying. On the flip side...I felt that if anyone said "well, at least you already have kids" I would have punched them. So, it was definately better for me to leave work and spend sometime with just myself.

My insurance didn't cover any of the IVF...it was all an out of pocket expense for us. I wish that we could try again but we just can't take out another loan. Therefore, we have decided to go ahead an go for a tubal reversal. We will be doing some research on it and then making an appointment with more than one doctor and getting some more information. After that...we will make our final decision about going ahead with it or letting go of this dream.

Our insurance will completely cover the reversal and if after two years of trying I don't get pregnant...then they will cover IVF.

12dp3dt

2007-12-25T10:21:00.000-08:00

I haven't tested myself today but I am pretty confident that it is and will remain negative. As of last night....all of my POAS were BFN. My official beta is this Friday and I expect that to be negative. I don't think that I am being negative....just realistic.

I suppose now we are left to decide on a tubal reveral or to accept that it just isn't going to happen. Usually, a few days after getting your negative result from the fertility clinic, they call to set up an appointment for a follow up. At that time, I imagine we will be asked to be referred to the ONE doctor at Shady Grove Fertility that still does tubal reversals. I imagine that my husband and I will meet with him for some further information so that we can decide.

My husband is inclined at this point to let it go and I really don't know how I feel yet. I am just numb.

8 1/2 dp3dt

2007-12-22T08:29:00.000-08:00

I am getting technical here with the 8 1/2....However, I had my egg retrieval at 4pm and then 3 days later my transfer at 6:30pm. Therefore, this morning it would make me 8 1/2dp3dt. I did POAS, using the "good" kind First Response and got a BFN. I literally felt sick to my stomach wth sadness. Now a little bit of bitterness is settling in. The realization that it really does take money to have a baby. There is a roughly 67% chance of getting pregnant with each try of IVF...the more times that you can try....the more chance you have of getting pregnant. We could only afford to get a loan out for two tries. Therefore, it is looking like we will not be having a baby.

It would be easier for me to let go of the pain if I knew that I wasn't having a baby because my body simply couldn't regardless of how many times I tried. However, that isn't true. That is the hardest part for me at this time.

I looked at the website Betabase.info at the average beta's on several women for different days. These are based on 3 day transfers: 8 dpt - 28, 9dpt - 48 and 10dpt - 79. I tried to grasp at some hope by realizing this morning when I tested I would be not quite 9 dpt and maybe a beta in the 20's just wouldn't register on a HPT. Deep in my heart I am not too hopeful about that one.

This Christmas is going to stink. I have to finish my Christmas shopping today and I work a 12 hour shift in the ER tomorrow and then an 8 hour day at a clinic on Monday, Christmas Eve....before heading to my husband's sister's house for Christmas. I know that someone (many someones) are going to ask me how it went with this IVF and I think I might fall apart. I guess there isn't much that I can do about that.

4dp3dt/No embies to freeze

2007-12-17T15:04:00.000-08:00

I found out today that the remaining embryos did not make it to blasts.

I felt torn with sadness and fear of the underlying relief that was there. If I am pregnant with this cycle....I really wouldn't have wanted any left over. To have frozen embryos would have added another $1,800 for us to come up with (during Christmas) which would have stressed us. Also, it would have left us with two options. Option 1: donate them to another couple or Option 2: dicard them. My husband and I could never discard and embryo...so it left us stuck with donating them and that would have haunted me. I would have wondered forever...what that child looked like and was he/she like myself or my husband, would they long for me. I guess we could have paid to keep them frozen forever.

The flip side is....if this cycle doesn't work...I am all out of tries.

3dp3dt

2007-12-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

So far, so good. I have tried not to think about my beta (pregnancy test) but it does creep into my head at some point during the day.

I have had the typical symptoms that come with the estrogen shot that trick your mind into thinking that you are pregnant: sore boobs and cramping

I was trying to remember when embryos implant...I think that it is on day 5 or 6 from fertilization. Today would be day 6 for me.

Transfer

2007-12-14T14:18:00.001-08:00

My transfer went much more smoothly than last time. I had my transfer yesterday at 6pm.

Last time I was asked to drink 2 (16 ounce ) bottles of water on the way to my transfer. When you get there you have to wait 30 minutes before you start the transfer. By the time they started last time....I was crying in pain from my bladder being ready to burst! The transfer was more painful than any shot or cramping that I had through out the process. They also ask that you lay there for a while after the transfer...I bolted up and ran (butt hanging out and all) to the bathroom and then cried because I felt like I ruined my procedure.

This time....I drank one bottle of water on the way there. I strongly suspect that because of the gastric bypass...water dumps into my bladder quicker and therefore I can't tolerate holding it as much. I also relieved myself briefly (they asked me to count to 10 and stop the stream) prior to the transfer. It still hurt and the sonogram person told me that I my bladder was completely full but it was tolerable. I had to take my mind far away and still wanted to cry. I also asked the doctor to catherize me right afterwards.

Unfortunately, I found out AFTER my last experience...that they could catherize you right after the procedure. This time, I asked right away and he did. I felt instant relief and was able to lay there afterwards and bask in my thoughts of possibly being pregnant.

I am headed to a Christmas dinner for work tonight. My doctor said that it would be ok as long as I stayed in bed today, sat at dinner the whole time and came back to bed. They ask that you do 24 hours of bedrest and then 3 days of light activity. I have to say...I am already feeling guilty about going to dinner.

Sorry...if there are typos.....I am in a rush.

Tomorrow is my transfer...

2007-12-12T18:42:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks like it will be a 3 day transfer for me again. I tried not to be as disappointed but it is building up again....the disappointment.

The nurse mentioned that the doctor wants to put back 3 embryos. I am not sure how to feel about that. I really want to do every possible thing to increase my odds but I don't think that I could handle triplets. Financially it would be a huge drain and of coarse I can't deny my fears of the health risks that exist with premature babies. I could handle twins but triplets is pushing it. Then, I feel guilty because I wouldn't just happily accept whatever God gives me. Starting out with debt from IVF is causing me stress about the finances that come with a baby.

Tomorrow I am supposed to talk to the doctor in the morning about how many embryos to put back in. I am afraid that it won't work at all and it depresses me and then I think what if all three took and then I feel overwhelmed. I am sure that the hormones are having a part in my emotions.

As of this morning....I still had 5 embryos. Two were at 4 cells, two were at 2 cells and one was at 5 cell. From my understanding...the uneven cell count ones aren't preferred and the ones that are at 2 cells....clearly aren't thriving. The perfect thing would be to have 8 cell embryos on a 3 day transfer.

So, tomorrow at 5:30am I have to be there for a 6pm transfer.

2007-12-11T08:55:00.000-08:00

I meant to write egg retrieval at 3:45 pm

Egg Retrieval and Fertilization Report

2007-12-11T08:53:00.001-08:00

My egg retrieval was yesterday at 3:34pm. Everthing went smoothly. I was pretty sore and groggy....as well are really nauseated afterwards. I woke up still a little sore today and not quite feeling right yet.

They retrieved 9 eggs, all were mature this time. 7 fertilized (with ICSI) and of those....2 didn't make it today, the other 5 are in their first stage of development. I will find out tomorrow if it will be a 3 or 5 day transfer.

Comparison Chart

2007-12-08T18:49:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the comparison chart....it didn't come out how I typed it. You have to read through it to figure it out. I had typed the info from cycle #1 to the left and cycle #2 to the right...it didn't seperate it.

IVF #2/ Final Stim Check

2007-12-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

These are the stats from my last stimulation monitoring: estrogen 3,905 and my follicle measurements were 2 at 23mm, 1 at 20mm, 1 at 19mm, 2 at 18mm, 2 at 17mm, 1 at 16mm and 1 at 14.4mm.

I am pretty amazed by these measurements. The "iffy" ones caught up. All except for one (14.5mm).

This is a comparison chart from IVF #1 to IVF#2:

IVF #1 IVF #2

stim day 4 - estrogen 80 stim day 4 - estrogen 154
follicles all <10mm follicles all <10mm

stim day 6 - estrogen 160 Stim day 6 - estrogen 362
follicles all <10mm follicles btwn 10-11mm (some <10mm)

stim day 8 - estrogen 452 Stim day 8 - estrogen >800
follicles btwn 10-13mm follicles btwn 10-12mm

stim day 10 - estrogen 950 Stim day 10 - estrogen 1222
follicles btwn 12-18mm follicles btwn 9-17mm

stim day 11 - estrogen 1150 Stim day 11 - estrogen 1830
follicles btwn 16-20mm follicles btwn 9-18mm

Trigger day - estrogen 1821 Trigger day - estrogen 3,905!!!
follicles btwn 16-21mm follicles btwn 14-23mm
trigger time 1:15am trigger time 2:45am

Egg Retrieval - 6 eggs retrieved TBA
4 mature
2 fertilized
3 day transfer of 2 embryos
Negative pregnancy test

IVF #2/Stim check 7

2007-12-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

Here are my stats: estrogen at 1830. Follicles - 2 at 18.9mm, 1 at 17.9mm, 1 at 16.9mm, 1 at 15.7mm, 1 at 14.5mm, 3 at 13mm, 1 at 12mm, 1 at less than 10mm. Based on this, it looks like 5 at good, 1 is "iffy" and the rest are not likely viable. I have one more night of stim meds tonight and it looks like I will trigger tomorrow and have my egg retrieval Monday.

BECAUSE....I said that I wasn't feeling much of anything yesterday....today, I began to feel uncomfortable. It wasn't too bad...just a bloated, achiness, pressure. My doses are staying the same tonight...which is 6 vials of meds! I made the menopur more concentrated by putting two vials into one shot. However, that still leaves me with 5 shots.

My thighs are so sore and bruised. I don't like using my belly because I have concerns about the absorption due to the excess skin post gastric bypass. It isn't too bad but still notable.

I look forward to removing all of that after having a baby.

IVF #2/ Stim check 3-6

2007-12-06T18:26:00.000-08:00

Stim check 3 : my estrogen was greater than 800 and my follicles were measuring between 10-12mm. There were some still under 10. I am returning everyday now for monitoring. This where it kind of becomes a pain in the butt and you begin to want it over.

Stim check 4: Their computers were down and I was unable to get any information. The nurse called me with my dosing information which was decreased to menopur 112 and gonal f at 300 due to my estrogen level rising. There was concern because my estrogen level was rising quickly but my follicles weren't catching up.

Stim check 5: My estrogen level was at 1,222 today. These are my follicle measurements - 1 at 17mm, 1 at 16.8mm, 1 at 15.8mm, 1 at 15mm, 1 at 14mm....Then I have the "iffy" group - 3 at 12mm.....and the "probably won't make it group" - 1 at less than 10mm and 2 at 10mm.

My dosing was increased to 300 of menopur and 3o0 of gonal f. I started the ganirelix yesterday and will take it every night until I trigger.

I was told that I will have one or two more days of stimulation (counting today)...then trigger day. So, it looks like these eggs are coming out Sunday or Monday. There is not a good chance that the 3 smaller follicles will be mature. The "iffy" group might have a chance at being mature. The first group is looking pretty good. This, again puts me at a lower egg count....so, I am feeling some disappointment set in. However, I do realize that it only takes one good one.

The clinic that I go to uses this as a rule for egg retrieval....3 follicles measuring 18mm and appropriate estrogen level (100-200 per follicle). Follicles grow one to two mm per day. Mature follicles measure between 16-22mm. They are using ICSI and assisted egg hatching this time. This will increase my chances at getting pregnant, giving me the most opportunities.

I must say...I am still not feeling much of anything. During the last IVF cycle....at this point I felt a lot of bloating and pressure. I feel more emotional but that could be the effects of two cycles back to back. My thighs are pretty sore and have several bruises. I prefer my thighs for these subcutaneous injections.

IVF #2 / Stim check #2

2007-12-02T17:28:00.000-08:00

My estrogen level is continuing to rise nicely. Today it was 362. I still had 11 visible follicles. Some were measuring at 10mm, one at 11mm and the rest still less than 10mm. I return for my next stim check on Tuesday (the day after tomorrow).

I am not really feeling much of anything besides cravings. I can't remember when exactly did I begin to feel pressure and uncomfortable last time. I know that the last 3 days weren't so comfortable.

IVF #2 - Stim check #1

2007-11-30T20:08:00.000-08:00

My appointment went better than the last time. They saw 11 follicles. They were all under 10mm at this point. My estrogen level is 154. The nurse said that is exactly where it should be.
I am staying on the same doses of meds...Gonal F 300 and Menopur 150. I have my next stim check on Sunday. I am getting excited.

IVF #2

2007-11-25T17:43:00.000-08:00

I had my suppression check this past Saturday and everything looked good. My estrogen level was 52 and there were no cysts. I was cleared to go ahead and start my stimulation meds this coming Tuesday. They are starting me out at Gonal F 300 and Menopur 150. My first stim check will be this coming Friday. No lupron at all this time.

I am sure that I don't need to mention that I am really really hoping that this time it will work.

Conclusion to IVF #1

2007-11-15T17:37:00.000-08:00

Sorry that I wasn't able to update my blog in the end of the cycle. I was having computer issues and had to take it to place for work on it! $300 later it's up and running. If I added any more money...I could have had a new system!

I had my egg retrieval on a Wednesday 10/10/07. It wasn't bad at all! They started my IV, walked me into the "OR" type room. I sat at the end of the stretcher and that is all I remember about the procedure. My husband says that I was talking in spanish in recovery. That in itself is funny. I am bilingual but my primary language is English. I think in English, translate things in my head and then speak Spanish. My husband is 100% American and doesn't speak any Spanish. I also told them I had to hurry because I had soccer practice. Well, I played soccer in middle school for ONE year.

I did have some mild cramping later on but nothing to write home about. I had no spotting. I took off work the following day because of the emotions of it all. I felt like I needed to just sleep.
When they called me the following day with my update....that only 6 eggs were retrieved, only 4 were mature and only 2 fertilized. I was glad that I got that update at home. I tried to be happy but felt disappointed.

I had a 3 day transfer. They put back one 6 cell and one 7 cell embryo with no fragmentation. The fact that they weren't 8 cell also made me sad. I know....I know....I am a perfetionist. The doctor kept telling me that they were perfect embryos for day 3.

After that...I began taking home pregnancy test on day 6 after my transfer. My thought was....I want a negative one first....to make sure that the trigger shot is in fact out of my system.....so, if I get a subsequent positive....I know that it is really a positive. Unfortunately, my test continued to remain negative up until the day of the beta which was also negative.

I was pretty heartbroken. My husband and I decided to give it one more try. Our insurance doesn't cover IVF because I had a selective tubal ligation. Therefore, it meant taking out another loan.

We met with our doctor and she changed things around for this time. She felt that I oversurppressed on the lupron and developed a cyst. Therefore, this time she will put me on the birthcontrol pills for the 3 weeks (as before) for suppression but she will not use Lupron. I will go in the day after I stop the birthcontrol pills for a "suppression check"....mostly to make sure that everything looks normal and that there are no cycsts. Then on day 4 after stopping the birthcontrol pills I will start stimulation meds. I will be adding Ganirelix to my meds when my follicles reach about 14-16mm which will prevent ovulation.

I am really hoping that this time I make more eggs, that some make it to day 5 and that I actually get pregnant. I am currently on week 2 of the birthcontrol pills. I am suppose to start stimulation meds on 11/27.

Stim check #5 & 6

2007-10-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

Not as I expected...I had to return to for two more days of monitoring. I am finally using the trigger medication tonight and the egg retrieval will be on Wednesday. I can't begin to say how uncomfortable I am. I almost feel sick. I am wondering how bad tomorrow will be!

My estrogen level on Sunday was 1150 and today was 1821. Today I had one 21 mm egg, two 20mm eggs, one 18, one 17, two 16 and one 11. I began stimulation with a cyst on my right side...so I suspect that the size 11mm egg might actually be a cyst.

I really wish that I didn't have to work tomorrow!

Stim Check #4

2007-10-06T16:59:00.001-07:00

My estrogen level was at 950 and I have two 18's, one 17, one 16, one 15, two 14's, one 13 and one 12. They would like my estrogen to be a little higher and for the smaller eggs to catch. I might be doing my trigger shot tomorrow....which means that the eggs will be retrieved on Tuesday. Yay.

I started feeling uncomfortable last night. I feel a lot of pressure and achiness. I even drempt that I was in labor!

Stim Check #3 correction

2007-10-04T14:49:00.003-07:00

My largest 3 follicles are 13mm....the rest are from 10 to 12mm.

Stim Check #3

2007-10-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

My estrogen level doubled again to 452 (which is what they want). I have 9 measureable follicles. The 3 largest are at 16mm, the rest are between 10-12. I was given a new tentative date for egg retrieval: Next Wednesday or Thursday. We are coming along...yay.

Stimulation Check #2

2007-10-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

My estrogen level doubled to 160 which is what they wanted. They saw 10 follicles this time (I guess they didn't see them all last time :-) They were all still to small to measure. They have to be at least 10mm to be measureable. I will be staying on the same medication doses and return to the office Thursday at 7am for my stimulation check #3. The nurse felt that they should be measureable by that time. Let's hope.

Stim Check #1

2007-09-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

I went in this morning at 7:15am for an ultrasound and blood work. They said I only developed 6 follicles and that I will not develop more. We just have to watch those mature. My estrogen level went from 60 in suppression to only 80. Therefore, they increased my meds to Menopure 150 and Gonal F 375. I find that I am bruising at the sites where I give myself the menopure. It burns a bit too! I had my husband give it to my in my arm tonight because my belly is sore and black and blue. I go back Tuesday for stim check #2.

This roller coaster ride has it's hi's and low's. I am low right now.

Suppression Re-check

2007-09-27T14:21:00.000-07:00

Good news...my estrogen level dropped down to 60 (my RE said that this was OK because of the cyst) and the cyst went to half of the size that it was before. I start my stimulation medications tonight! Yay! I am not looking forward to the 3 shots but I am looking forward to moving this along. I go in for my first stimulation monitoring on Sunday at 7:15am. I am so excited!

Accupuncture

2007-09-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

I had my first accupuncture appointment today. It was weird and I am not sure that I felt that much different. However, I have read in so many places and spoke with a few people that have felt accupuncture helped this IVF process out.

I have been on pins and needles (no pun intended) waiting for Thursday morning when they will repeat my bloodwork and sonogram. I have asked all of my prayer buddies to pray for me. I am hoping with all of my heart that everything will be a go ahead for starting the stimulation meds.

Suppression Check

2007-09-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well...my estrogen level was 67 and they would like it to be 50 or lower before starting the stimulation meds. I also have a cyst on my right ovary that might have caused the elevated estrogen level. I was told to continue on Lupron until Thursday morning (2 more days) and return at 7:15am for a repeat sonogram and bloodwork. If my level is below 50, I would start the stimulation meds that evening. If not...I am wondering if the cycle will get cancelled. This process is quite emotionally draining. I feel more depressed today than yesterday.

I scheduled an accupuncture appointment for tomorrow. I am hoping that will help relax me if nothing else. ;-(

Moodiness

2007-09-23T18:24:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is my suppression check. I have been so depressed these past few days. I am afraid of how much MORE depressed I will be if this doesn't work. I hope I get good news tomorrow. I also decided to have accupuncture done. I think I need all of the relaxation help that I can get.

Lupron Begins

2007-09-17T18:35:00.000-07:00

Today I started my Lupron shots. I am taking 10 units subcutaneoulsy, every morning. I was glad that it didn't hurt at all. I actually barely felt the needle or the medication. However, I did feel tired most of today. I also vomited after my breakfast. I can't tell if that is because of the Lupron or the birth control pills or the baby aspirin. I have been queezy ever since I started the birth control pills...it was just worse today. I haven't been able to take my vitamins consistantly since this IVF process has started. My little stomach pouch can't take all of this! Vitamins are really important to gastric bypass patients. That might even account for my exhaustion.

I keep looking at my calendar and counting the estimated dates before I start the stimulation meds and then I count the estimated days until I have the embryo retrieval/transfer. I really would like for this process to be over. I keep praying and hoping that it will work!

Mock Embryo Transfer

2007-09-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

I had my mock embryo transfer on September 5th and everything went well. The doctor basically goes through the whole physical process of transfering the embryo's without actually transfering anything. They are trying to make sure that they won't encounter any structural problems or difficulties on the actual date of the transfer.

I am still on the birthcontrol pills. I start the Lupron injections next Monday. I am really excited but I try not to think about it because it has the potential to drive me nuts. I know that this might sound dark...however, I find myself thinking of all of the possible reasons that I wouldn't want to be pregnant so that if it doesn't work...I won't feel so devastated.

The biggest one would be that I lost about 80 pounds and would absolutely hate to go back there again. However, when I go to my sons' football games...there is this little girl there that just turned one....she is just so adorable and totally melts my heart! I look at her and I feel pain at the thought that I might not get pregnant.

Drugs

2007-09-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

I received my shipment of fertility drugs in the mail today. Thank you, thank you for good insurance! I only had to pay a $28 copay rather than the $3200 that they cost. I am in the first phase...taking the BCP's. I start taking Lupron on September 17th. I have a tentative schedule for the embryo transfer on October 10th. I also feel blessed because I just found out that I was given a $1500 discount for my IVF cycle. I know the doctor that is doing it from a mutual friend, I have also worked with her when I took care of a patient of hers at the hospital. I imagine the discount came as a result of being a nurse and the rest of it that I mentioned. I did ask about a possible professional courtesy discount to the finance office. They emailed her and sent me a notice this week about the discount that I was given. I am so relieved and grateful for that.

We are paying out of pocket for the cycle because of my tubal ligation being the cause of my infertility. I have heard about prices varying from area to area...in this area (DC metropolitan area)...a cycle runs $9500, ICSI is an additional $2000. Thus far, I was told that we will not need ICSI. Things have been working out for us so far. They do offer the shared risk program...and I believe that runs from $25,000 to $30,000 for up to 5 tries. My husband and I simply couldn't afford that. Keep me in your prayers.

It's stressfull enough to bring a baby into this world with debt from creating it....but it comes at a time when you will hopefully be needing money for possible time off work, baby items, child care, formula, diapers. I guess it shows how the desire to become a mother/father outways the finances. I can't help but be sad that it couldn't happen naturally.

FSH levels are good

2007-08-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

I received a call yesterday afternoon that my FSH levels were good and my baseline sonogram was normal. They did the sonogram to make sure that I don't have fibroids, cysts or other structural issues. I start the birth control pills tomorrow.

I am nervous about starting the medications. I absolutely HATE being nauseated and I get that several times a day as it is due to the gastric bypass. You just never know what food will react with you after having that kind of surgery. It could be too much natural sugar in the fruit, too many fat grams or carbs in your meal, one bite too many, too much spice, etc. I really need to be more aware of what I eat. I have been battling nausea quite a bit lately and I hate feeling sick. I don't want to feel worse. I can totally ruin your day when you feel sick so sick that if you move...you will vomit!

It finally came...

2007-08-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

Well...I was enjoying my day at a pool party...when my period finally came. That old saying "I am woman, hear me roar"... always comes to my mind on the first day of my period. I am not sure if it is the sudden cramps, the having to wear a diaper, or feeling like I am being punished that causes that particular thought to run through my mind. I basically feel cranky and as if though I could easily rip someone's head off if they pissed me off.

On the fertility note, tomorrow will actually be day one of my cycle because my period came in the afternoon. So, Tuesday I am due at the clinic for blood work and a sonogram. I happen to be off from work on Tuesday, so that works out nicely.

Sperm Test Results Back

2007-08-21T13:50:00.001-07:00

Well, I got "our" semen sample results today. He has a 9% morphology. My response was "what is that and what does it mean?". I was told that they like to see it above 14%. They said that the morphology of semen is the shape and normalcy. I understand it like this....out the 100% semen sample...9% were normal in shape and size. She said that there were a lot with 3 tails, many with no heads. I began to picture children with no heads or 3 butts!!!! Apparently this is normal UP TO A CERTAIN %....and they like that % to be greater than 14. Then suddenly I started hearing "ching ching" like coins dropping onto a counter in my head. AND I was right. When this is the case...they recommend either another sample to be given or a procedure called (ICSI) to be used in the fertilization. ICSI stands for Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection. That means that they "micromanipulate" the sperm by injecting a single sperm directly into the egg in order to fertilize it. This is done for low sperm counts or low motility sperm. If they don't have a head or a tail...it won't be motile enough to get the job done. They burrow their heads to get into the egg and use their tails to swim towards it. AND yes...this is another $2000 more! OUCH. I received this information from our nurse. She said that she would speak with our doctor and get back to me on where we go from here. Details details....

Sperm testing day

2007-08-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well, the day came and we did what we needed to do. It was all rather technical...so much so that I felt a little sad about it. We were uncomfortable in using the fertility clinic's special room...so we worked on the specimen at home and had an hour to deliver it.

They verified that we have done everything that can be done as far as pre-testing. Now, we just wait for my period to come (which is due at the end of the month). At that point I call and schedule my "period" day 3 appointment. At that appointment I will have my first ultrasound done, FSH blood level checked and get my prescriptions to start the birth control pills on day 5. I think that I am keeping this all straight. Too many acronyms and dates!

It seems strange to start birth control pills (BCP) when I am trying to get pregnant. This will stop everything and allow the doctor to take control of my cycle. I have a lot of anxieties about using BCP's. I don't want to gain weight, break out or lose hair from them. I keep reminding myself that I will only be on them for a few short weeks. I have been persistent with my work outs. I have also been pretty good about drinking my protein shakes. I did experience some hair loss after having gastric bypass surgery and quickly realized that if I stuck to my protein regiment...my hair would be normal.

This will be another concern do deal with. I mix my protein powder in a 20 ounce bottle of water and add a packet of crystal light for flavoring. I drink 3 of these a day. I haven't tolerated any other forms. However, splenda isn't recommended during pregnancy. I will have to figure something else out. I know that Unjury...which is the maker of my protein powder...sells chocolate flavored protein powder. I am thinking of trying that out in a glass of milk. I will clearly need the milk, calories and protein. Hopefully I can tolerate it. All this in the name of not going bald or being malnourished.

2007-08-10T18:19:00.000-07:00

I am at the beginning of a very exciting and scary time. My husband and I are starting our IVF cycle in about 2 and 1/2 weeks. We had our first appointment on August 1st and our first set of labs (blood work) done this past Wednesday on August 8th.

I have 3 sons that are (16, 12 and 9) from my first marriage. I have been married over 3 years this time around. My husband has no children of his own. We have decided that we want to have one of our own. I had my a tubal ligation after the delivery of my last child. I also had gastric bypass surgery July of 2006. So, there are a few complications in our journey.

After doing our own research and asking professionals for their opionions. We decided to go with IVF. We start with my next menstrual cycle....which is due at the end of this month.
Our next step...my husband has to give a semen sample next Wednesday on August 15th. They are checking to make sure that they are the right shape, amount and motility. Then...we wait for my period.

I might be a little graphic or technical with my writings....it comes from being a former paramedic and current nurse. I can't help it.

All I can do at night...is toss and turn as I try to fall asleep...worrying about how much weight will I gain, what if it doesn't work and we spend all of this money (our insurance isn't covering it because of my elective tubal ligation), will it hurt, will I turn in a hormonal monster!

Well, until next time...I am off to try and get some sleep...again.