Saturday, December 22, 2007

8 1/2 dp3dt

I am getting technical here with the 8 1/2....However, I had my egg retrieval at 4pm and then 3 days later my transfer at 6:30pm. Therefore, this morning it would make me 8 1/2dp3dt. I did POAS, using the "good" kind First Response and got a BFN. I literally felt sick to my stomach wth sadness. Now a little bit of bitterness is settling in. The realization that it really does take money to have a baby. There is a roughly 67% chance of getting pregnant with each try of IVF...the more times that you can try....the more chance you have of getting pregnant. We could only afford to get a loan out for two tries. Therefore, it is looking like we will not be having a baby.

It would be easier for me to let go of the pain if I knew that I wasn't having a baby because my body simply couldn't regardless of how many times I tried. However, that isn't true. That is the hardest part for me at this time.

I looked at the website Betabase.info at the average beta's on several women for different days. These are based on 3 day transfers: 8 dpt - 28, 9dpt - 48 and 10dpt - 79. I tried to grasp at some hope by realizing this morning when I tested I would be not quite 9 dpt and maybe a beta in the 20's just wouldn't register on a HPT. Deep in my heart I am not too hopeful about that one.

This Christmas is going to stink. I have to finish my Christmas shopping today and I work a 12 hour shift in the ER tomorrow and then an 8 hour day at a clinic on Monday, Christmas Eve....before heading to my husband's sister's house for Christmas. I know that someone (many someones) are going to ask me how it went with this IVF and I think I might fall apart. I guess there isn't much that I can do about that.

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